Follow-Up (1)

The trip from Tipton to Le Claire was wonderful. You truly could not have asked for a more perfect day to ride a bicycle. The humidity was non-existent. The skies couldn't have been blue-r. The road was on a slight downgrade the entire way. The wind was at our back most of the time.

I woke up at 4:00am after having gone to sleep around midnight. I decided to go ahead and start getting ready for my last day. Packed everything up, did the "stand in line" for the john. (Yeah, even at 4:30am.)

I then decided I'd "donate" the tent. It was something I'd picked up at Target for about $30 or so. It had never been designed for the kind of set up / tear down usage I'd put upon it. It was more of the, "Set it up and let it sit for two weeks," kind of tent. So, like in Apollo 13, I stood outside the tent, cast off its stakes, and said, "Farewell, Aquarius, and we thank you." The folks around me hollered at me to shut the hell out, for chrissakes, it's 4:30 in the goddamned morning . . .

Got on the bike at 5:15. The sun wasn't yet up, but there was enough ambient light to see clearly. To me, that's the best part of the day to ride bikes. The air is still. The birds are just getting to work, after finishing off a juicy worm latte at Starducks.

The world is quiet. The other riders aren't chatting or being goofy. We're just down to the business of moving from point A to point B on a riding machine. The soft whisper of the tires sounds like the rustling of clean linen sheets.

For the last two days of the trip I listened to songs on my little iPod shuffle. There were several songs I'd simply hit the repeat button over time and time and again:

Ronnie Milsap's "Pure Love." (The crescendo at the end almost gives me some sort of sugar rush and I pedal like mad to the lyrics.)

Ronnie Milsap's "Nobody Likes Sad Songs." Au contraire, RM. I like 'em just fine. And if "NLSS" plays in my earpiece before I've had breakfast, I'm liable to cry like a baby, too. (Did I say that out loud?)

Rodney Carrington's "Dear Penis," "I'm Dancing With a Man," and "Fred." The songs crack me up no matter how many times I listen to them, but there's some great piano work in them. I listen to music kind of weird. For certain songs I like to listen to particular single notes. And the piano work in these songs give me lots of notes to listen for.

Pieces from two different movie soundtracks: The Green Mile and The Shawshank Redemption. Lots of violins. Lots of piano work. My all time favorite piece of music has to be "Suds on the Roof" from Shawshank. (If your "ring tone" in my phone is "Suds on the Roof," that makes you a very special person.) These songs are soothing and they take my mind away from the ride. "Brooks Was Here," also from Shawshank, is a long (6+ minutes) that makes the miles glide by.

There wasn't a lot of intermediate towns on the way in. I'm guessing most towns realized riders were focused on getting to the end and weren't going to waste their partying time on anything but the final destination.

It was nice, rolling into Le Claire, to have people standing on the sidelines clapping and cheering you on. I'll admit to a momentary uncharitable thought: Where were you folks on Day #2 when we were climbing hills and sweating like the pigs we ate on Day #4? But it lasted just a second and I returned to thinking good thoughts about Iowans. It was nice for folks to turn out, wave, clap, and watch the show.

There was a ceremony to close out the ride. But it wasn't going to start for three hours after I'd done my Mississippi dipping. I just didn't want to wait around for three hours. So I reluctantly pedaled on over to the car. Found my bags, changed clothes (right in the middle of the parking lot -- again, we riders have no modesty), loaded the bike on the car, and headed back to Columbus.

I've got lots of comments I'll respond to, plus some observations I want to trot out over the next couple of days. Trust me when I tell you that if you never come back to this blog again you're not going to miss anything. Thanks to both of you for reading this far. (Yeah, lost another reader when I didn't post the picture of me dipping myself -- nekkid -- in the Mississippi.)

The End

1015am central time.

I dipped my front wheel in the Mississippi River. I am a Ragbrai
virgin no more.

471 miles. 7 days. Not too bad for a fat old geeky guy, huh?

I'm taking the river back with me

These Yankees don't know to take care of Old Man River.

Isn't this where we started?

What? Me funny?

Debra is a 55 year old teacher in Texas. It was her first Ragbrai too.
But she's a riding fool. Several 200 mile trips under her belt. Just
did a ride out in Colorado where they had to carry all of their own
stuff. Plus it would get close to freezing each night. Brrr.

She did happen to think I was the funniest guy she ever met. Now where
would she get that idea from?

450 miles down...

... 21 to go.

Final Iowa breakfast

Mmmmm peach pie!

Chocolate chip cookie lady

Man were those cookies good!

Turns out she was originally from Ohio. Said she was from Mason.
"before king's island," she said. I replied, "ah back when it was just
a prince ..."

Business was a little slow this morning so we chatted a bit. Her hubby
had brought out their Great Dane. (what does he eat? "bikers who
stare at my wife's cookies too much.")

I related my theory of every stand having at least one pretty blonde
running it. She laughed and said, "Miss Clairol."

Sunrise over a farm house

It was a beautiful morning to ride a bike.

Last sunrise in Iowa

'Twas beautiful.

Hey she asked me to take the pic!

Something along the lines of "why don't you take a picture. It'll last
longer."

I actually thought the sticker was the most truthful claim I'd seen
all week

Bikers are trashy folks

Honest to God this can had just been emptied 5 min before.

Whupped

Some very tired bikers waiting on the shuttle.

The caboose

Yes the headlights were as attractive as the taillights.

But her big ass husband's patience with picture taking only went so
far ...

Gyro guy

I timed him. 8 seconds to slap together a gyro.

Culinary scorecard last night:

2 more walking tacos. (I'm gonna buy me a case of doritos when I get
back!)

An ear of sweet corn.

A large popcorn.

2 reese's peanut butter cups.

A bag of peanut m&m's.

A gyro.

Yep. 400 pounds when I get back. I'm gonna warn everyone that biking
is a leading cause of fat ass-ness.

It was pretty good corn

No matter what the expression on my homely old face says. :)

Told the lady at the corn place that was the first corn of had since
arriving. She asked if there were no other corn stands.

I said there were but I was busy eating all of Iowa's pigs and just
hadn't had time to work my way to the cornbin yet.

This blog brought to you by ...

... These guys. The only high speed connection in every place I rode
through. Free net access, free wifi, and free phone cards too. They're
the best.

Lots of stretching going on

But some stretchers were more interesting to watch than others.

I liked their shirts.

"if it's well built we laid it."

The crowd was chanting ...

... What happens at Ragbrai stays at Ragbrai.

Well until some smartass like me puts it on 'net...

Ticket girl at the hardacre

Well she works cheap.

$5 for movie previews

And lots of popcorn.

Saw a documentary about my newest hero. His name is Alan Abels. He's a
professional hoaxer. And he is my new God. :)

I'm upgrading to a bigger bike

Tipton, Iowa

It's about 5:00PM here. I'm gonna get out and suffer through (ha ha ha) one more festival. (I love festivals and street fairs!)

I'm in Tipton, Iowa. Today was a 65 mile ride from wherever the hell I was last night. (North Lberty?)

This morning when I woke up I looked at the skies, dreading the worst. At 5:00AM the wind was already picking up, the skies were completely overcast, and I figured, "Whew, it's gonna be another tough one."

The route guide called for us to climb even more hills than the day before. Yeesh.

But I have to tell you: it was the best day of them all. At least as far as riding conditions. The skies lightened up, but remained completely overcast. So the temperature stayed very moderate, say, high 70s instead of 90s.

Rain never materialized and, miracle of all miracles, the wind shifted direction. It either wasn't blowing or it was at our backs most of the ride.

Remember I said my goal was to make it to the 50 mile point by noon each day? I did the entire ride by noon today! Even after stopping and eating breakfast at Gwen's and chowing down a pork chop at Mr. Pork Chop.

I'm going to go out and take some more pictures. If I get a chance, I'll post 'em tonight. If not, I'll take care of 'em sometime over the weekend.

Tomorrow's the day we've all been looking for. (Kinda.) It's the last ride day. It's an easy ride. Pretty much downhill as we get closer to the Mississippi River valley. I haven't checked the weather, but, if you think about it, what difference does it make what the weather does? It's not like we're not going to not ride it if the weather's bad.

It's also the shortest distance, too. 55 miles. If I am able to duplicate the speed I did today's ride, I'll be at the finish line around 11:15 or so.

Thanks for hanging out with me. More later if I can. One more day to go!

The homliest guy in Iowa (except for me, of course)

I figured with as many pictures of hottie blondes I've been posting, I should do a little equal opportunity work and show you one of the dudes toasting the little piggies at Mr. Pork Chop.

His name is Chris Baker. One of his buddies came over after I snapped a picture of Chris and said, "He's Chris Baker -- we call him Touchdown Maker."

I said that would be obvious why they'd call him that.

His buddy said, "Naw, we call him that 'cuz he's gay."

Hey, Chris, I'm just repeating what your buddy said. Kick his ass, dude.

The only rude person I've run across

We all know "there's one in every crowd." And in a crowd over 10,000 strong, you just know you're going to run across an asshole.

This is her.

From the very first day when we were loading our bikes she ticked me off about something. Her whole attitude was, "I really shouldn't be riding this ride with all of the commoners." Every time I've encountered this woman, it's amazing to watch the faces of the people she's interacted with. They all share the same look, "Can you believe this prima donna?"

Maybe Karma will take over and short out her phone . . .

Mr. Pork Chop

The other night when we were gnawing on Mama Pig, I found out these were the guys responsible for the delicious chops. Seems they're a RAGBRAI instituion. They just stand on the side of the road selling chops for $6.

Man, are they ever good! Had to stop today and eat one.

The Power Thingy

I bet the thing's got 200 outlets on it. They've got it powered by a Honda generator. It just gets loaded every single night with people loading up their cameras and phones. The guys who built it are saying next year they'll have to have another one.

The first day I found the thing the guy watched me put my iPhone on it. He said, "Hey, Dude, is that the iPhone?"

I told him that it was.

"Well, give it to me. Those are too valuable to be hooked up with everyone else. I'll keep an eye on it and charge it inside the truck."

And he did. So, every day, he and I have been good buddies. He takes the phone, charges it, and it's safe and sound.

The Highest Hill

They lied their asses off. Right after this sign was another hill that made this one look like something a gopher would create.

The Super Crew

All right, how could I possibly pass this crew by without buying some frozen strawberries.

While I'm thinking about it, I heard of a contest in one of the towns called a "Frozen T-Shirt" contest. They take Ts, fold 'em, water 'em down, then freeze them. On stage, they pass 'em out. First person to break open and don their T wins. I can imagine all kinds of possibilities with those blonde twins and Entertainer Dude.

The best damned breakfast in Iowa

Then again -- not to take anything from Gwen -- if it resembled real food at all in this point on the trip it's be heaven.

Gwen's pimp

If it's 900am it must be Miller Time

I was always amazed at the folks who needed booze so early. Then again
it's 500 somewhere ...

One Tired Puppy

Man, was today ever rough. And I thought yesterday was bad.

The hurricane that is in the Gulf of Mexico has thrown Iowa's wind patterns in reverse. So we rode 75 miles into headwinds of 20 to 30 MPH today. We climbed more hills than we did the day before. I am wiped out, I have to tell you.

We're overnighting in a place called North Liberty. As soon as I get this posted I'm headed to bed. Got a 65 mile ride on the next to last day. Headed to a place called Tipton. Then, up on Saturday morning to head to Le Claire, where, hopefully, my car is still parked.

The rain from this morning never really materialized, but I have a feeling as the hurricane gets more inland we're not gonna have good weather for tomorrow's ride, either. The wind will once again be in our face.

Again, to the 3 of you who're reading, thank you. (One person said he was disowning me because of some post by some guy named Elmer. I have no idea what he's talking about.)

Entertainer Dude Part 2

Entertainer Dude dragged these twin blonde girls up on the stage to sign Garth Brooks' "Friends in Low Places." Actually, the audience did most of the singing while Entertainer Dude just kept leering, flirting, and making suggestions to the sisters that, truth be told, every guy in there would have said if they'd been a drunk guitar picker, too.

At the end of the song, Entertainer Dude always gave his "helper(s)" a T-shirt. He did his best to get 'em to take off their existing shirts and put on his gift. They weren't having any of it. "Hey, guys in the front row," he said, "I did my best."

Entertainer Dude

The guy they had entertaining in the beer tent was a trip. Would pull the cutest girl off the floor and make her his backup tambourine player while he strummed a guitar over some Karaoke tunes. He'd then insult people in the audience, flirt with every pretty girl that came within view, tell the audience to raise their bottles, and say, "Survey says, 'Down 'Em'!"

This was the last town today before we got into our final destination. It was the only stop along the way that I had so much fun I stayed for an hour and a half.

Besides, I kept eating like a pig, too.

One Tired Biker

This poor lady sat down next to me in the beer tent. As soon as her butt hit the hay bale, she did the look you see on her face. As in, "I'm never getting on a bicycle again as long as I live."

Key Lime Pie

The pie was so good I ate three pieces of it.

And two Walking Tacos.

And then a chicken breast when I got to camp.

And I just finished a cinnamon roll.

And I'm still hungry, dammit.

Corn Fed Iowa Blondes

I've been paying attention to every single fruit or taco or water stand that I've come across on this bike ride. Every single one of them features at least one -- and sometimes more than one -- blonde hottie who smiles at you, blinks those big blue eyes, and takes all of your money. They do have marketing down pat here in Iowa, I gotta tell ya.

But's it's simply amazing at the sheer number of blondes. They're like corn or pigs. (Well, they're not like those things at all, except as it relates to the numer of them.)

Walking Tacos

Remember that thing I said I saw in a Dorito's bag? Looked like a portable Mexican salad? They're called "Walking Tacos." The lady I talked into taking the picture was amazed that I had never heard of them. Later on I talked to someone who said she thought they were only in Iowa. I'm gonna steal the idea and set up a stand at the Ohio State Fair, I gotta tell ya . . .

The bicycling nuns

If you took a picture of them, they gave you a sticker that said, "I got nun."

This is Ralph

Ralph was hanging out on the side of the road so I thought I'd hop on.

No, it's not a prop. It's a real live long horn bull.

Holly from the Des Moines Register

Holly's gonna make me famous.

She was admiring my butt so much that she snapped a picture of it. Then, naturally, she played it off as if were her job to do that very thing.

Uh huh. Likely story, honey.

Though, I gotta admit, she did say she had some incriminating pictures involving a pig . . .

This is the picture Holly took:

Belle Plains, Iowa

Not really a whole lot going on here, gotta tell ya.

Sex with a pig

Dear Beastiality Forums,

I'm here in Iowa on a long bike ride. I'm keeping a blog about the trip somewhere else. But I couldn't put this in that blog, so, since I'm a regular poster here, I thought I'd stop in a little internet kiosk and relate the tale.

Last night I figured since "when in Iowa," I'd act like a typical Iowan. I went downtown looking for a little squealy action.

It wasn't long before I found the guy I was looking for. For those of you visiting Iowa for the first time, if youi're "in the market," just look at the signs that say "Pork Chops." The 1st "P" will be extended a few inches below the rest of the letters.

Then, approach the farm boy standing there and say, "I'd like the other white meat, please." Slip him a $5 bill and you're in like Flynn.

Anyway, I'll spare the details of the whole thing. She was cute thing. I always liked several Stephen King stories where he uses the phrase, "I should smile and kiss a pig." Indeed.

Gotta be careful and not post this in that biking blog I'm keeping. God only knows what they'd think.

Elmer Fudd

PS Yes, it was a female pig. What do you think I am, some kind of pervert? I know it was female because the tail curls to the right for females and . . . or does it go to the left . . . uh oh . . .

Gonna be an interesting day

I'm sitting in my tent listening to a pouring rain.

I had wanted to get on the road at about 530 this morning (5 min from
now) but I don't know that I'll be able to tear the tent down in the
rain in time.

It's gonna be the second longest leg of the ride today. Close to 80
miles with over 3500 feet of climbing. Couple that with the wind
that's blowing from the "wrong" direction and that blinding rain. I
may have to whine a little more tonight. :)

Naw who am I kidding? I can't wait to go play. :)

Long day

Hills were back with gusto. Unfortunately the headwinds also clobbered
he'll out of us today too. The winds wore us out and made the hills
that much worse to climb.

Folks seemed more subdued today. Maybe they were all drunk from Ames.
Or maybe the ride really was a tough one today. Tomorrow we face as
long a ride with more hills more wind ... And an extra treat: all day
rain.

I saw more flat tires today than any other. It seemed there was a flat
every 2 miles. And I saw 2 bad crashed too. Maybe that's what had
everyone subdued -- the thought a lot of pain is always a few seconds
away.

I ate like a pig all day long. I'll be coming home 400 pound heavier
than I left!

No phone signal again but at least I get the blog updated.

More tomorrow!

I've been nominated to ride ...

... With Team My Ass.

My name would be Sex God My Ass.

After eating the pig

What's better than Irish music?

The guy who gave me the not do good massage